For the past six months you have promised to come with me to my chemo and radiation treatments. You have never made it. I always tell you its okay. That I don’t care.
Its not okay anymore. And I do care.
When I do decide to call you back I will be ending things with your selfish, lying, manipulative ass.
But that E tattoo I bought myself for my birthday last year, stands for the greatest lover I ever had.
And “hE” still is.
*Sorry for the terrible delay in publishing. For those of you who don’t follow my “home” blog, I was finishing my dissertation, defending it and then moving across the country. Yep, I haz a Ph.D. now. Dawn – July 10, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
True Wife Confessions Area 51
Sunday, April 22, 2012
True Wife Confessions 328 copy-edit notations
We decided to get married and a romantic proposal wasn’t necessary, I guess. Just last week, you snapped at me because it came up in conversation. I rushed the wedding so much, my family was convinced I was pregnant; I just couldn’t stand to not be married to you anymore. I became your wife and gave up my career. What you told me before the wedding, what I hung my dreams on, that you’d follow my job anywhere, ended up being lip service. Because of what I know now, I cannot in good conscience bring a child into this marriage. I know it would be the end of us.
I agreed to go have dinner at your parents because I love you and wanted to see your brother. Everything was fine at the dinner table until your parents thought it was funny to bring up all your ex girlfriends! Really? I really fucking deserve that after being married to you for 19 yrs and 3 boys. What disrespect is that, I hate your fucking parents! What hurt me the most is that You didn’t shut them up, you acted like a pussy! You put your head down and kept eating. fuck you babe, ill remember that, and btw Im not going to those fucking assholes house again. They are mean, two faced Hypocrites.
I really do think you’re a great guy. You’re caring, sweet, and loving. You have a good heart and we’re the best of friends most of the time. I mean it when I tell you that I’m lucky to have you. But sometimes you are so fucking clueless it’s unbelievable. And I get tired of being the only responsible one in the relationship. You forget to do everything, and are a huge procrastinator. You don’t do anything unless I tell you to do it, and either you think I don’t notice what you’re not doing or you just forgot about it again. I don’t forget about important things that need to be done and I notice everything you do. and don’t do, like take the lawn bags that have been sitting against our back fence for nearly a year to the curb, or never clean the gutters so that there are actual plants growing in them. I hate being reminded that you’re so immature. And to top it off, I can’t register even the smallest complaint without you taking it way too personally and having an emotional fit. And when you give yourself permission to go off, you’re not only an emotional disaster, you’re also an asshole who can’t LISTEN to save your life. I’m a logical, rational, reasonable person, and I can’t engage in that emotional mess. You use it as an excuse to lash out at me and then profusely apologize later. I know you’re sorry, but I also know it will happen again. And I never get to fully express myself, never have my feelings validated, and most of all, I never
Weve been together for 10 years, and married for 6 months. And I am amazed at how fast your changing.
I wanted to marry you 7 years ago, and you said you weren t ready, so I waited. Last year you said yes, and I was the happiest boy around, for about 4 months.
I cook nearly every night and do most of the cleaning up. I spend most of my time fixing things at your stable yard, helping your clients, looking after sick horses in the middle of the night and looking after the staff. Weekends are spent at horse shows, or driving your horse around the country. I ve put nearly everything I have into making your business a success, and no matter what, it s just not enough. Because I work from home, does that mean I have nothing better to do than run your business whilst you have coffee up the road with your friends?
When I ve sent all day doing maintenance for you, then have to stay up until 4am finishing up my work, I m going to be tired and grumpy. But those long nights are what pays the rent, buys you horses, and feeds them.
I moved to this country for you, I left my family, my friends and a career I loved. Have you sacrificed anything?
I make a huge effort with your family, they spend their time at our house. You can barely be civil to mine, and you see them for a week a year.
When we finally do get around to having sex, it s not all about you. How often have you done anything for me in the bedroom in the last few months? And how hard have you tried to do anything that I like? You re very happy to lie back and get teased and shagged all night long, am I supposed to be honoured to be allowed to do this? Of course we only have sex when you feel like it. Who cares what I want?
I m always telling you how wonderful you are, that you re beautiful, I hold your hand when we go out, and open doors for you. Your friends tell you how lucky you are, and you agree with them in public, what do you really think?
Yesterday I needed you to help me. I needed to get the car serviced, and all I wanted was for you to fetch me once I d dropped it off. About 20 minutes of your time. Was that asking too much?
The sulking and complaining was unbelievable.
Who uses that car?
Were getting very close to the point where I ve had enough.
Last night you asked why I was so angry. I tried to explain it to you. Your response was I m talking crap.
We re nearly 40. I wanted to have children a long time ago, and you said you did, isn t that why we got married after being together for so long? Now you want to wait a few more years, so you don t have to take time off from riding.
I m sorry, I don t want to be an old man too tired to play with my kids, and too set in my ways to put up with their friends. I wanted to be able to take them fishing, to the beach, show them what a wonderful world we live in.
I can trace my family back to the 12th century in Ireland. Im the last male with my surname, I really don t want it to die out.
So here s the deal
I m setting up a new business, It s in the bush, with a small farming community around, theres plenty of space for you to have as many horses as you like, but its about 2000K s from the nearest horse show.
I m going to be there by October. If you come, I ll do everything I can to make a beautiful home for you, and give you a wonderful life.
If you don t come. Then I ll miss you terribly, I ll probably spend years miserably trying to get over you, but in the end I will.
Yesterday was the culmination of a thousand little hurts, the straw that broke the camels back.
I look at you today, and just want to walk away. I can t find the feelings that made me want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I know a lot of this is my fault, I ve tried too hard, always hoping you ll for a little bit of appreciation, for you to show how much you value me. For you to make an effort in bed.
The saddest part is I just don t care any more.